First They Came For The Reindeer

Fellow Christians beware- there's yet another enemy in our midst, and you don't even realize it! I have irrefutable proof that perennial Christmas favorite Andy Williams has supported, actively participated in, and possibly spearheaded our persecution for the past 5 decades.

How has this minion of Satan managed to go undetected for so long? It is said that Lucifer wears the face of an angel and apparently, it has only come to light over the past year or so that there's a concerted effort by liberals, homosexuals and atheists (all the same thing, of course) and the Hollywood Elite to abolish the word "Christmas" and replace it with the much more inclusive "Holidays." This is, of course, one more step by the Democratic Party towards completely eradicating our faith and all its practitioners. Sadly, Mr. Williams' 1953 recording "Happy Holidays/Holiday Season" seems to have been an early forerunner of this sinister plot.

But fear not, gentle souls. Defenders of morality and goodness, led by that paragon of virtue, Bill O'Reilly, are applying the Loofah of Truth to those who would wallow in the muck of so-called "diversity." A few pearls of wisdom from the Falafel of Decency:

The anti-Christmas forces say it's all about diversity, protecting the sensitivities of those Americans who get offended by the mere mention of the birth of Jesus. Somehow I haven't been able to locate any of these people; folks who find a baby in a manger so off-putting it ruins their day.

So the diversity excuse is a bunch of bull. What's really going on here is a well-organized movement to wipe out any display of organized religion from the public arena.

The secular-progressive movement understands very well that it is organized religion, most specifically Christianity and Judaism, that stands in the way of gay marriage, partial birth abortion, legalized narcotics, euthanasia, and many other secular causes. If religion can be de-emphasized in the USA, a brave new progressive society can be achieved.

See? Told ya that TEH GAYS were responsible. However, until Mr. O'Reilly pointed it out, I had completely overlooked the complicity of Canadians in the matter:

It has happened in Canada. Once a traditional religious country, Canada has become like Holland in its embrace of the secular movement. Some facts: In 1980, 79 percent of Canadians said that religion was important to the country. That number has now fallen to 61 percent, according to an Environics Focus Canada poll.

In 1971, less than one percent of the Canadian population reported having no religion whatsoever; now that number has risen to 16 percent.

The fall of religion in Canada has corresponded to a change in public policy. Unlike Americans, Canadians have legalized gay marriage and any kind of abortion. Also, the age of consent for sex up north is just 14 years old. Can you imagine American adults being allowed to fool around with children that age? I can't.

While we acknowledge the breadth of Mr. O'Reilly's vivid sexual imagination, he'd be well advised to check with a few of God's Own Red States about age of consent before making such a sweeping assertion in the future.

But I digress.

Despite the rabid Christian-bashing of the Liberal Media Elite, and the complete lack of coverage of this travesty by the Mainstream Media, a few brave journalists and members of our oppressed religious minority have begun to fight back:

The Weekly Standard has taken to task a leader of the Liberal Northeast Establishment for supporting the further disenfranchisement of Christians in the People's Republic of Massachusetts.

In Florida, under cover of darkness, a courageous band of freedom fighters from the First Baptist Church of Bartow set up a nativity scene on the lawn of the Neil Combee County Administration Building. Although subject to trespassing charges, this fearless group of 35 Baptist Seniors has been given the option of applying to the County for permission to keep the display in place. And fortunately, they have at least one friend on the County Commission:

"Oh yeah," [County Commissioner Randy Wilkinson] said. "I'm definitely for it . . . We've had to swallow all this crap over at the museum (Polk Museum of Art) that's anti our value system. Crap is not a good word -- say all this leftist, liberal agenda."

They are also garnering strong support from the local community:

"If we don't take a stand, there won't be any Christmas or Christ or Christian religion," said Tom Hutto, 69. "We have to take a stand."

"If wiccans can figure out when it's their savior's birthday, they can do the same."
- Barbara Pittman, director of the Adult Two Sunday School Department

Defenders of religious liberty in other states are also making their voices heard over the rumble of the approaching cattle cars.


OK, enough of this.

I was raised in the Christian faith. Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, Church Choir, the whole nine yards. I've watched many professed Christians attempt to conduct their lives according to the teachings of our faith: forgiveness, charity, humility, stewardship, love, peace and justice. For these people (and for people of other - or no - faiths who strongly adhere to such guiding principles in their own lives), I have nothing but respect and admiration.

Unfortunately, due to their tendency to go quietly about their Good Works, these people don't comprise the face of modern Christianity. Call it Squeaky Wheel Syndrome or the Empty Barrel Effect. Regardless, you and I both know damn well that it's the Falwells, Robertsons and even Phelpses who are leading the Religious Revolution in this country. And I, for one, am sick and fucking tired of these Christofascist assholes whining about the failure of Government to assist them in shoving their dogma down everyone else's throats. Since well before the emergence of Falwell's Moral Majority in 1979, these smug, ignorant pricks have been hell-bent on one goal, and one goal only: the imposition of Fundamentalist Protestant Christian theology on every aspect of our society. From reintroducing mandatory prayer in schools to plastering the Ten Commandments on every possible taxpayer-funded structure to mandating the teaching of Creationism, these latter-day Pharisees have been as busy, and as well organized, as the proverbial anthill.

Now that Gee-Dubya is safely ensconced for another term, the religiowhackos have claimed that they put him there, and it's payback time. And they're really pulling out all the stops.

After doing the persecuting for centuries, these tools are now co-opting the language and methods of their victims. Politico-evangelists pepper their fundraising letters with tales of Decent Christian Americans® being persecuted by government bureaucracies, marriage-minded homos, various left-wing fringe groups and, of course, the ubiquitous ACLU. My favorite is their recent creation of a new term to define their critics: Theophobes.

Their latest kick is, as pointed out above, some big rally-the-troops movement to reclaim Christmas as the sole Winter holiday in the US. They've begun demanding that clerks in stores say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays", even going as far as threatening to boycott retailers who continue to use that unholy phrase.

What the hell, as a form of social activism (a big thing to JC, y'know) it's a helluvalot less inconvenient than feeding homeless people or adopting AIDS babies.

I would strongly urge these self-professed Christians to climb down from their crosses, reread their Bibles and find a different aspect of Christ's life to emulate. Maybe then, just maybe, their own faith would then be strong enough to withstand someone else having different beliefs, or even wishing them "Happy Holidays."

Barring that unlikely possibility,

"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:5-6)

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."(Matthew 25:40)