Let The Cuckoo Soar

Great bronze titties everywhere, rejoice! Your liberation is at hand! Ding dong, the Fundy’s gone! Or, more accurately, he has submitted his letter of resignation. The Bush Administration announced yesterday that Ashcroft has decided not to continue as Grand Inquisitor and Smiter of the Ungodly (read: Liberals and pot-smoking sick folks) during Bush’s 2nd term. While I’m usually loath to examine the proverbial gift horse too closely, his resignation raises as many questions as it does hopes.

Who will lead the DOJ prayer meetings now?

Who will defend us from the Evil Calico Menace?

Why is he leaving? Has the success of American Idol emboldened him to quit his day job and focus on his musical career? After having sent Tommy Chong and Martha Stewart up the river, does he feel that God’s Work is done? Or, more likely, does he know something about the next 4 years that we don’t? Tell me how this sounds:

St. John of Arc is a zealot extraordinaire – a fire & brimstone Endtimer. With Iraq in flames, Iran & Syria on tenterhooks, Arafat standing on a banana peel and Gee-Dubya only knows what other shitstorms about to break out in the region, courtesy of Our Good Friends at PNAC, the cradle of civilization is in a mess. Many who prefer that old-time religion, as well as many who aren’t religious but simply pay attention to the amusing antics of the Administration, believe that Armageddon is warming up in the wings. I used to laugh at the Tim LaHaye followers who could twist current events into any Apocalyptic balloon animal of your choosing... but that was so pre-2K. Now, even thought I’m a skeptic, it’s clear that these folks Believe. I’m guessing that he’s heading home to wrap up his personal business, stock up on Wesson oil and grab a quick rebaptism in the Mississippi – a booster shot for the Hereafter, if you will.

What does his resignation mean for civil liberties? My guess is, not much. While metal nipples may be safe, the rest of us had better watch our asses. Gitmo ain’t going away, nor the PATRIOT Act, nor are the Bushies’ plans to challenge a recent ruling against secret tribunals and arbitrary “enemy combatant” designations. It all depends on his replacement… and the madness of King George.

Who will replace him? Pundits are floating several names, suggesting several different directions that Justice may take over the next four years – few of them good. Dunno whether he’ll accept the job or not, but the answer seems obvious.

Il Douche Rudy Benito Giuliani. The philanderin’ fascist was always popular among the authoritarian right and, naturally, added to his reputation when he challenged The Queen of the Damned in the 2000 NY Senate race. After being washed in the blood of the Martyrs, he has become a Republican Achilles and could easily use AG as a steppingstone to the White House in ’08.

But that grisly thought can wait for another day. Today, let's just celebrate.


Update

Okay, celebration's over. Looks like Gee Dubya is going to tap White House Counsel Alberto "I Torture" Gonzales to replace Ashcroft. Gonzales, a longtime Friend Of W and Bush appointee to the Texas Supreme Court, is also the Bushie who was instrumental in stonewalling the 9/11 Commission and FOIA requests for information on Cheney's secret energy meetings.

On the bright side, Gonzales was expected to be on Gee Dubya's short list to replace "Knuckles" Rehnquist, so we've probably dodged that bullet. He also is not known to anoint himself with Wesson Oil.

In Other News...

From Bush's "mandate" to numbers that aren't adding up, election-related stories have taken center stage this month, reducing the coverage of other important events to short blurbs.

Some of what you may have missed:


Part I - Iraq-

According to CNN, our Iraqi "allies" apparently aren't showing up as expected.

(You'll love this part) "Now, Rumsfeld says that he does not know if militant leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is in Falluja. Of course, Zarqawi a man with a $25 million price on his head, who has claimed responsibility for so much of the violence thus far in Iraq. Military leaders saying basically if they catch Zarqawi in Falluja, it will simply be a bonus, because the expectation is that he and his lieutenants have had ample time to slip quietly out of this city.
(Shades of Osama Bin Forgotten- wasn't capturing Zarqawi kinda the point of going in there?)
"Now, speaking to the slipping quietly away, there are a number, perhaps hundreds, of Iraqi soldiers who did not turn up for this very decisive battle. The defense secretary yesterday saying basically that this is an isolated problem, though something that should be expected from time to time, considering the circumstances. But still this is not welcome news for the Pentagon, Carol, because this is the force that is supposed to take over security in Iraq so that U.S. troops can eventually come home."

Iraqi Officers, with battle plans in hand, are deserting:

AN Iraqi military commander deserted US forces hours after he received a full briefing on US military plans to storm the rebel-held city of Fallujah, CNN reported today.
But a report sent to Reuters and other media from a marine unit quoted US officers as saying the desertion of the unidentified captain, a Kurdish company commander, would not change plans to retake the city before Iraqi elections scheduled for January 27.
They said they believe the officer, who commanded 160 Iraqi soldiers training with US marines at a base on the outskirts of Fallujah, was not likely to hand over battle plans to rebels in the Sunni Muslim city, where Saddam Hussein loyalists and supporters of al-Qaeda ally Abu Musab al-Zarqawi are entrenched.
The officer disappeared one day after US marine officers gave him a full briefing on the battle plans. US officers found his uniform and automatic rifles on his bed.
(or maybe he just took a little time off to go to Alabama to work on a political campaign...)

35 US soldiers captured in Fallujah

16 US troops reported killed within the past 48 hours

Reports of "body parts everywhere" in Fallujah



Winning hearts and minds~


That's enough for now- I'm feeling sick to my stomach.


Ending on a positive note-

The Bush administration has suffered a major setback in its strategy for dealing with detainees at its Guantanamo Bay facility in Cuba.

In what's being described as a dramatic judgement, a US Federal Judge has ruled that the US administration can no longer ignore the Geneva Convention in its attempts to prosecute detainees.

Overnight the judge halted the military tribunal case against Yemeni detainee, Salim Hamdan, who is accused of being Osama bin Laden's former bodyguard and driver.

The judge ruled that the case could only proceed once what he called a "competent tribunal" determined that the Yemeni was not entitled to prisoner-of-war status.

The ruling undermines a key pillar of the Bush administration's strategy for prosecuting what it's calling enemy combatants and the Justice Department immediately announced it would appeal.

But if the ruling is upheld, it opens the way for a complete change in the treatment of all detainees at Guantanamo Bay, including the two Australians.
Australian Broadcasting Co

Note to Daschle & Gephardt

Good Riddance.

Pelosi, Hoyer, Reid- we're watching you.